Memorial Day, 2009 – Steve Hoy

Visualization

Memories of Memorial Day. Grey haired men and women in their old army uniforms marching through town, some of them limping, led by an honor guard of young soldiers with flags. A high school band playing the Battle Hymn of the Republic and America the Beautiful. Children along the parade route waving little American Flags. Brownies, Cub scouts and Boy and Girl Scouts following the band, marching out of step. A convertible with the oldest veteran in town in the back seat, the mayor and other politicians following the car on foot. As the police car passes with lights flashing, everybody gets in line behind the parade, and follows it to the town cemetery. All the soldiers’ graves are marked with a new American Flag. A temporary stage is set up, festooned with red white and blue bunting, where the officials collect for the speeches that follow. The public address system haltingly picks up the speeches which nobody remembers. A nervous high school girl recites “In Flanders Fields”, her voice fading in and out as she rocks behind the podium. A flowered wreath is placed by a Boy Scout and Girl Scout at the foot of the town’s memorial statue. Then the finale—a National Guardsman with a trumpet plays a slow mournful Taps. An officer orders three soldiers to attention, to present arms and they fire 3 loud volleys of gunfire, as children cover their ears and babies begin to cry. People murmur a laugh about the babies as they break the silence and begin dispersing, home to barbecues and sports.

What is Memorial Day all about? It is about soldiers and sailors who have made a great sacrifice and died in service to their country. It is about mothers and fathers seeing their sons and daughters leaving their comfortable homes to face violence and inhumanity, only to never return to their parents’ embrace. It is about communities dedicating squares, statues, parks, and streets, to honor these young people who died too soon. On May 2, here in Beverly, Stephen Fortunato was remembered by dedicating the square next to the post office in his name.

When a parent loses a child, even an adult child, there is a grief like no other. There is a storm of feelings—sadness, anger, longing—that crashes upon the family and the whole community. There is disbelief and hope that somebody made a mistake. A father or mother may vent their anger at the enemy, or at the military leaders or at God. Their tears seem unstoppable. Learning the details of the death produce waves of questions—why my child? –Couldn’t the armor have protected him better? Did they need to send that last deployment out?

From all this grief, parents attempt to accept their son’s or daughter’s death. Acceptance of a loss is partly the fading of the intensity and frequency of the painful waves of grieving. But more importantly, acceptance is the making of meaning, the making sense, the recognition of personal growth in such a profound loss. If we can see the death fitting into a cause greater than a single life, then we can live with the loss more easily, without attaching only painful and unpleasant emotions. For some, that means declaring the loss as an act of heroism in a fight for a just cause. For others, it is protesting a war that seems unjust. Cindy Sheehan made meaning of her son Casey’s death to protest the war in Afghanistan and Iraq near President Bush’s ranch.

Dedicating an annual national holiday to remember these young people is an important way for the whole community to make meaning of these sacrifices. It is an annual reworking of the griefwork that allows a community to construct a meaning that is ever evolving in our personal lives and in our community’s history. Parents feel the pain again on this day, but they also see the honor that their loved one receives from a larger community for their sacrifice for their country. And members of the community need to reflect on the values that are fought for. Is it freedom, is it peace, is it justice, is it prosperity?

Some Americans feel that the meaning of Memorial Day has been forgotten. Since 1971, the holiday has shifted from May 30 to the last Monday of May—a three day weekend that allows people to get away and celebrate the “official” start of the summer season. Isn’t this the weekend to open the pool, to get together for barbecues, to watch the Indianapolis 500? A website dedicated to remembering the original purpose of Memorial Day— usmemorialday.org—advocates returning the date to May 30, regardless of the day of the week.

Memorial Day needs to be a day of serious reflection by the citizens and their elected leaders who send these soldiers to their deaths in the name of a cause. These leaders need to be reminded of past wars as they rework the meaning of each conflict. History has given meaning for many Americans to the justness of the Civil War and World War II. Sadly the Vietnam War has given us a different lesson. The 58,195 American military deaths in Vietnam are remembered as named people in the powerful wall in Washington. As for the Vietnam Conflict itself? As history played out, the US- supported government of South Vietnam fell, and Vietnam is once again one country, with its capital in Hanoi. Thirty years later Vietnam is a growing economic trader with its friend, the United States of America. So what is the meaning of the deaths of those Americans? And today we have no crystal ball to help us as a nation to make meaning of the ongoing deaths of our young soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.

For me, Memorial Day is a day to put faces on all the people who died to make one’s community a better place for all. I want to include policemen and firemen. I want to include civil rights workers who died for that cause, including Unitarian minister James Reeb. I want to include doctors who were murdered for honoring a woman’s reproductive freedom. I want to include journalists who put themselves in danger in wartime and died so that truth can be told of both the heroics as well as the inhumanity of war.

For me, Memorial Day is a day to thank the disabled men and

women who return to their communities alive but not whole. Their minds and bodies will need all our support to allow the healing they need.

For me, Memorial Day is a day that I dedicate to peace. Wars are supposedly always fought for peace and justice. Sadly we see in the outcome of war, that it is not necessarily peace for all, however. Unfortunately, it is often fought for the power of one stronger group oppressing other groups. That is not a just war. Is Iraq a just war? Were we sold a bill of goods by the Bush Administration about weapons of mass destruction? Is Iraq better off without Sadaam Hussein? Is peace possible in Iraq or Afghanistan?

Whether it be peace between 2 people or peace between 2 nations, to have peace, we must have understanding. To have understanding, we must have communication. To have communication we must have listening. To have listening we must have openness. To have openness we must have safety, not threat or danger. To have safety we must have nonthreatening speech and behavior.

I believe peace between people or nations does not occur without all these ingredients. Is there a place for military force or violence in this formula? Personally I don’t believe there is. As soon as force or violence is threatened or carried out, safety is lost, the threat ends any listening, openness ends, and communication is gone. Without communication, understanding is gone, and peace is unattainable.

It is profoundly difficult to understand why a person finds this earthly life so unacceptable that they become terrorists and blow themselves up along with innocent people. But only by understanding this could the United States begin to address peace in other lands.

Discussing the errors of the past will not change the past. Denying the errors of the past will not change the past. The only reason to remember and to discuss the past is to help us with our choices for the future. Talking about the past should not be used to shame anybody in the present, nor to seek revenge. Talking about the past should be used to invite understanding of the present reality, a present that has many perspectives. Just as the 6 blind men learn from each other about the different parts of the elephant, so does openness and communication teach us more about the big picture.

For me, Memorial Day is a day to recognize the brutality of war. It is a day to remind leaders that families are devastated at the loss of a loved one, and to weigh the decision to use violence to fight violence very thoughtfully. How can anybody not be traumatized by the sight of killing? How many deaths can a soldier witness before he become numb and unfeeling? I worry that as my 18 year-old son Ben and his friends play video games of war over and over, it may cause a similar depersonalization towards death. I have read that such video games do make young people into better soldiers because they have mastered a skill to aim and shoot without hesitation, and to not think about the irreversible outcome. That is not what I want my son to be, but I no longer have much to say about that.

For me, Memorial Day is a day to question the use of violence to fight violence. The great religions of the world each offer a scripture about violence and compassion:

From Judaism

Psalm 34:14:
Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

From Christianity:

Romans 14:17-19:
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

2 Thessalonians 3:16:
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.

From Islam:

Do you love your creator? Love your fellow-beings first.
Muhammad

In Islam, the "root" of the word "Islam" in Arabic is SALAMA which is the origin of the words Peace &/or Submission, a submission to God and peace to all humanity. The salutation in Islam is: "Al-Salamu Alaikum or Peace on You."

In this regard, prophet Mohammad ordered his fellow Muslims to salute others Muslims or non-Muslims with peace when he said: "Peace Before Speech"

The "full picture" of The Koran is captured by Chapter 5, Verse 32: "[I]f anyone slew a person—unless it be for murder or spreading mischief in the land—it would be as if he slew the whole people. And if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people."

Buddhism:
This is peace, this is the excellent, namely the calm of all the impulses, the casting out of all "basis," the extinction of craving, dispassion, stopping, Nirvana.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “I am prepared to die, but there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill.”

Indian Prime minister Jawaharlal Nehru said: “Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Peace is not merely the absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.”

Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

He also said, “Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars....”

As you reflect on your own meaning of Memorial Day, give reverence to the terrible cost of war—those lives cut short, those families dealing with profound loss, those communities devastated by war, those minds and bodies scarred by man’s inhumanity to man.

And let us be grateful for the sacrifice of those people for a higher cause than themselves—the soldiers and sailors, the policemen, the firemen, the doctors, nurses—and all others who have died in the line of duty.

So I believe, that you may also believe. Amen